i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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