Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
