I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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