Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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