He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
