Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
