how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
