Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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