I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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