were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
