haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
