Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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