Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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