We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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