saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
