I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Welp...herpes.
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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