im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I FOUND THE LEGS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
