my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
