I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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