She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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