You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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