Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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