so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dick very happy bro
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