it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sorry about my life...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
