im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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