my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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