$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
