I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize