Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
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The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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