turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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