Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
