Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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