i just had sex bonerless
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
