Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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