Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
im on a boat
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