3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
