Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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