And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
