Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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