i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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