I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
