o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
