i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
