He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
