As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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