gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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