Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
