i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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