You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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