I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
