How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
