I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
