I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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