I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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