he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the liver wants what the liver wants
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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