Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
