On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
