filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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