Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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