Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
