you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
