I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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