Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
