Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
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I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize